Lou Stokes, style and confidence coach

3 ways to tackle limiting style beliefs

Do you tend to grab the first item of clothing every morning or do you take the time to consider what you will wear each day? 

It’s so easy to just wear the same old black top and pair of jeans, and even though it doesn’t inspire you, you keep doing it.

You see other women looking so incredibly stylish, bold and confident. 

Yet, you keep telling yourself it’s not possible for you because you’re ‘not a stylish person’ or you’re ‘not as cool’ as your friend. 


What if I told you that what you are telling yourself is not true?

Believe it or not you are a stylish person. It’s just that you haven’t tapped into your own authentic style. And it’s impossible to do that if you’re harbouring limiting beliefs about what you should or shouldn’t wear.

Style, like everything else, is a mindset

Years ago I would dress myself in black baggy clothes and believed that only dark colours suited me. A classic limiting belief! 

I would always wear the same outfits:  black top with jeans, black top with black skirt, black trousers with white top… 

I would tell myself “I can’t wear bright colours because my legs are too long with no shape”.

Subconsciously I was trying to hide myself and stop myself from being seen. 

Other excuses I had for wearing bland and dreary clothes were:

“my arms are too thin to wear that”

“I have no bum” and even,

“I don’t have enough money to look good”.

All this affected how I felt about myself and when I look back I realise how what we wear is a reflection of how we feel on the inside. 

These stories I was constantly telling myself kept me small and stopped me from living to my full potential and being seen. 

I see this consistently with my clients, which is why mindset is the first thing we work on together as it is such an important part of our internal and external image. 

We tell ourselves these stories on a subconscious level and are so unaware of them. It is when we bring awareness to them that we can change and transform. You see, the mind wants us to stay safe, however at the same time it keeps us stagnant. 

The mind is just like a muscle – the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets and the more it can expand.”

Here are my top 3 ways to tackle limiting style beliefs:

1 – Start to understand your inner dialogue

Observe yourself when you are getting dressed and how you are talking to yourself. Listen to yourself when you are getting ready to go out for a night out – what comes up? 

Observe your thoughts and the way you talk to yourself when you look in the mirror, or when you are out trying new clothes on in the changing rooms.

The mind has a powerful way of attracting things that are in harmony with it, good and bad.”

Make a note of the  common phrases you are constantly repeating. The more familiar you can get with your inner dialogue the easier it is to change and transform.  

Try reframing these stories with new positive and empowering ones. Then repeat them every day 3 times a day… watch how you start to feel and think. 

2 – Take risks 

Like anything, the more risks you take the easier it is to crush those limiting style beliefs. As soon as you start taking small risks, you’ll feel empowered and inspired to go further.

I encourage my clients to try things on that they would never imagine wearing, to go discovery shopping and embrace having fun and playing. 

Try experimenting by mixing and matching different patterns, try different colour combinations, accessories, different types of shoe styles and colours – be brave and bold, don’t be afraid to stand out. If people start to comment on your style it is because you are doing something right… so keep going! 

Keep cultivating the habit of stretching out of your comfort zone with your style and how you show up in the world, the results will astound you!

3 – Stop comparing yourself and following others

Become your own Style Icon instead. There is nothing more disempowering than trying to copy someone else’s style – the results are always disappointing and it doesn’t make you feel good, trust me.  

Research and get inspired by what others wear,  and then make your own rules.

Learn to trust your own tastes and instincts when it comes to your style. Set your own trends and wear what makes you feel on fire. Let go of the “what will they think” or “who the hell am I to wear this” mindset and OWN your unique style and creativity.  There is so much power in that! 

Like I said, it really is all in your mind. 

So, decide NOW that you are a stylish woman, decide that it matters to you how you dress, how you show up and how you feel. 

The choice is yours, you can choose to go along with limiting style beliefs and stay hidden, or choose to be seen.  

Say GOODBYE to limiting style beliefs. Get out of your head and tap into your creativity, have fun and get playful!  

Say YES to showing up as your authentic SELF.

If you need some guidance on transforming your mindset and finding your unique style, feel free to join my facebook group or book a coffee chat with me.

Lou Stokes
Verified Coach
Verified for professional standards and commitment to clients. Read more Close

Lou Stokes is a style consultant from London based in Madrid. With online coaching, she helps women around the world cultivate confidence by developing their own, empowering style. Email lou@loustokes.com or visit loustokes.com to find out more or book a call with Lou right now.

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