5 steps to creating rock-solid self worth

“I’ve finally stopped running away from myself. Who else is there better to be?”

Goldie Hawn

Do you really love yourself?

I mean REALLY? 

Quirks and all? 

I thought I did, but there was always a subtle whisper going on in the back of my mind. Constantly putting me down with stories like:

  • You’re not good enough.
  • How can you do that?
  • What will people think?

I got tired of hearing the same old stories.  Can you relate? 

A healthy amount of self worth is vital to navigate our way through this world and be a happy human being.  It dictates the decisions and choices you make and how you feel about yourself. It’s your foundation, like the trunk and the roots of a tree.

For years I had low self worth, in fact I would say it was pretty non-existent.

I spent most of my time being influenced by what other people thought of me, rather than what I thought about myself.  I was constantly searching for acknowledgement in some form or another from others.

Living a life totally un-authentic to me, I became a slave to others opinions, views and agendas.  

Everything little thing seemed to affect me in some way or another, the behaviors of others, what so and so said.  I would analyse situations for hours, I felt so sensitive and anxious. I was lacking self worth and confidence, but even worse than that I was giving my power away.  

Now, my life has completely transformed.  

I’m living and enjoying life on my terms.  I treat myself with love and respect, which ultimately changed the way others behave towards me. What you give out is what you get back…

So, what did I change? 

I decided to stop trying to be someone else.  I gave up trying to please others and began to think about me, what I needed and wanted, and what felt good to me.

Here are some of the ways I reclaimed my personal power…

1. Stop trying to be liked by everyone

Constantly trying to “fit in” and wanting everyone to like me left me exhausted and drained. Now I realise it was a complete waste of energy.

Instead, focus on doing the things that light you up and that bring you joy. The more you take care of yourself,  the less interested you become in what other people think of you. This makes you feel empowered and gain a stronger sense of self.

2. Tap into your inner strengths

We all have things we are good at and others things we are not so good at.  Identify your strengths by taking some quiet time and writing them down. Once you have done this, start to cultivate them. This will really boost your confidence. Be accepting of both your strengths and weaknesses. After all we are all “imperfectly perfect”.

Also don’t forget to celebrate your wins no matter how big or small there are.

3. Trust yourself

Trusting yourself means being able to be bold and brave, doing things without judging yourself.  There were moments in my life where it almost felt dangerous to be myself, to unleash my fallibility, the rebel in me, the awkwardness and the vulnerability. I guess I didn’t trust that the authentic me was good enough or that I was loveable enough.

The more I tuned in and tapped into myself through meditation, journaling and time alone I learnt to trust and listen to myself. I realised that all I needed was actually inside of me. Building the trust that I can always rely on myself has been one of the greatest gifts.

4. List all the things you love about yourself

I encourage you to write down all the things that you love about yourself as part of your morning practise.  Then repeat them every single day in front of the mirror.

And I mean every single day. By doing this you are reprogramming your negative self talk. This is life changing and will boost your self worth if you  can learn to value yourself and love the person staring back at you. 

5. Spend time with yourself

If you have never felt adequately loved then being alone can feel terrifying! Avoiding being with yourself actually has the opposite effect on your self worth. It leads you into more despair and attachment to others, affecting  every relationship you have.

I challenge you to spend one hour a day alone. Take some time out to journal, to meditate or perhaps going for a walk in nature. Whatever it is, find ways to be at ease and comfortable with yourself.  If you never give yourself time and space to get to know who you are and figure out what you need and want in life, you will always be searching outside of yourself.

Increasing my self worth and spending time getting to know myself has been a game changer, it has made me a stronger and happier person. I no longer feel fragile and finally feel happy to be me (for more insights on my journey, check out my book on Amazon).

You owe it to yourself and the world to be just who you are.

I sincerely hope these tips help you to own the skin you’re in and be proud of all you are.  If you need some support along the way, please reach out for a coffee chat and/or join my private Self Love Sisterhood community.

Lou Stokes
Verified Coach
Verified for professional standards and commitment to clients. Read more Close

Lou Stokes is a style consultant from London based in Madrid. With online coaching, she helps women around the world cultivate confidence by developing their own, empowering style. Email lou@loustokes.com or visit loustokes.com to find out more or book a call with Lou right now.


  • Wow, how inspiring to read. After having a long time difficulties with being in my own skin and past relationships with eating disorders I concur wholeheartedly with Lou’s message. I hope we can all find ways to be unburdened with body image and to love ourselves completely to joyfully experience the precious time we have here on this earth. x

    • Thank you for reading Samantha and your comments! I am happy my message resonates with you and as we all begin to talk and be more open about these topics we will inspire each other to embody who we really are and that we are all enough, just as we are! xx

  • I’m a guy and so I feel at certain moments like people around me even some of my family members take energy from me. Now I’m knowledgeable have morbid obesity I have lost 30 pounds and feel great but still in the process.. feel low from time to time when I expose my genius but sometimes I get ignored or like say someone say you wrong I’m right and I feel low at that specific time it can be not-directly at me.


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