I read many blogs about self-discovery from coaches, often portraying the “journey” as immensely profound. Trust me, I can do pretentious. In my distant past, I lectured in Philosophy at university, so I’m definitely not averse to depth. However, depth doesn’t equate to waffle, and I really dislike the sort of empty catchphrases that belong (if anywhere at all) on posters in a student’s bedroom. “How can you know where you’re going unless you know where you’ve come from?” Please.
Having coached for quite a few years now, I’ve found it consistently true that the majority of my clients don’t meet me with a good understanding of their qualities, strengths, and skills. Nearly always, they underestimate themselves and particularly downplay what they excel at. However, the work we do together to reach a good understanding and develop real self-belief is not at all mystical or mysterious. It does involve some hard work – clients need to look deeply – but it is logical and entirely based on evidence. The process is pretty much the same irrespective of the client’s background. I have done this with very senior executives but also, with the same level of success, with teenagers and junior managers.
Let’s get real. Flashy people in smart suits can say whatever they like about skills, expertise, and great qualities they would bring. Marvellous, I’m sure. Good in lots of interviews or sales meetings. But speaking with integrity about who you are, having great confidence in your qualities – these come after some analysis and, of course, mean knowing your weaknesses as well as your strengths.
If you’re naturally great at big-picture thinking, then you won’t naturally excel at detail, and vice versa. If you’re most comfortable with operational and crisis management, then you won’t naturally excel at collaborative, partnership-oriented, compromise leadership. This truth is what lies behind models like the Myers-Briggs personality types: your natural strengths and weaknesses sit together. It is, of course, possible to improve your skills in those types of leadership that are less natural to you, which is precisely why knowing and embracing your weaknesses is important.
So, how can you realise who you really are, what your key strengths are, and then be able to speak about that with confidence and absolute integrity? What I find is that if clients can dig deep into what they’ve actually achieved (whether at work or elsewhere), and especially what they managed when the going was tough, then those experiences demonstrate skills and qualities they absolutely must have. Exactly how did you manage that? What conversations with whom and when? What skills did you have to use to get that done? They can’t then doubt skills that they had to use to achieve difficult things.
It’s often a bit different with the things clients find easy (but that others don’t). People often assume that the things they find easy must just be easy; they can’t understand why so many other people struggle with them. The skills or strengths that clients find easy are usually those they excel at and are the qualities at the heart of their way of working. If you were to write the client’s profile at the top of their CV, these qualities would be the core of it. They are the client’s “USP” (Unique Selling Proposition).
It is obviously important for clients to come to realise that their USP skills, which seem easy to them, are not easy for all. They then need to learn to embrace them, to speak about them with confidence and integrity. Coaching is the right tool for helping people with this because, unlike training or teaching, it draws truths from the clients themselves—truths they state in their own words and can no longer doubt.
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